The culture of Love in my College

The culture of Love in my College

By
Khalid Ibrahim

Part 1

The supreme happiness of life is the convection that we are loved.
Victor Hugo


Love doest not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
Antoine De Saint-Exipery


Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove,
That valleys, groves, hills and field,
Woods, and steepy mountains yield.
Christopher Marlowe

During the history of mankind, romantic love was the most beautiful and interesting human relationship ever attempted. Romantic love in all times meant truthness, loyalty, and sharing good and bad between a man and a woman forever. It was in the early decades of the last century the most appealing and satisfying feeling. Therefore true love not only became desirable, but also became the only acceptable basis for choosing a life partner.

During the last several years, I tried extremely hard in my search to find successful real love stories amongst my friends in College. However the outcome was far worst than what I predicted. I could say it was a total disappointment. I found out that most of my friends unfortunately believe that falling in love is madness or a disease. Unconsciously or consciously, they have the same views as the poet Robert Burns who was well known for his ardour. In 1784, Clarinda wrote to the Bard:

Talk not of love, it gives me pain,
For love has been my foe;
He bound me with an iron chain,
And plunged me deep in woe.

It is so difficult to find a real love story here in College. No ethics and no morals whatsoever. People change their partners often as fast as the speed of light. They are no longer interested in the principles of building up a family. Nevertheless, girls here are still very much have a tendency to be stable. However, the culture is such that it encourages everybody including girls to say “boring, it’s over, bye!”

My friend Lea whenever she meets a new comer you see her very happy and delighted. Then, after a while, she will start crying claiming, “He is not the man that I 'm looking for”. I am calling her now “the lovely bird”, a bird that's flying from a nest to another all the time. She is a very beautiful, smart and friendly girl. You never know what is wrong here and who to blame: Lea herself, her men, or the culture. May be all of them.

Elaine, who is ready to go to the moon or beyond if somebody shouted for help, spent some time with Kevin, and then they left each other saying it did not work for them.
After the era of Kevin, she spent about a year as a single during which she looked a bit stable but not happy enough. Then she met Philip who is from Germany. She loved not just him but whatever related to Germany and decided to live over there. He was very nice with her. She was happy all the time.
I thought they would have a good future together but unfortunately just very recently she came back to Dublin with the bad news raising the typical slogan “It did not work for us”. Now she is single again.

Another friend is Ruth. She is the one I thought might give a good example of a real love story for the others. However, after five years of a strong love story with a man who's from her village, they splited up to two different directions immediately after graduation.

Brendan wasted two valuable years out of the life of Musa, who is so human, so innocent, and so beautiful. She is a unique flower. However, she was devastated by the unwillingness of Brendan to be committed to their affair. Some times, you just cannot understand why people behave in this unfair way when it is about giving so little while they are getting everything so easily.

There are scientific evidences about the psychological torture of the casual culture. This culture proved to be so painful for some people. Niamh who has every thing good, tried hard to avoid the one nightstand culture. The pressure was so intense. All the girls in her class were going out with boys without even talking about their mutual feelings. Recently I got the following text from her:
“I feel so lonely Khalid. I am never gonna find someone and I am tired of being on my own!”
This should reflect the size of the crisis and its not just Niamh, many of my best friends have a similar melodrama.

Some girls who waited long time for their Mr. Right to no avail found out that the pressure on them became so huge that they were forced to swung to the dominant culture of filling their time with somebody, anybody.

On the other hand boys in College are not ready to give any kind of commitment to girls. They are also not ready to express their feelings in case it might be interpreted as a sign of weakness.

Carl advised my friend John “Do not admit any thing to a girl, be solid like a mountain”. He was trying to tell John “You are two fools, for loving a girl, and saying so.”

Mostly boys think girls are machines that need to be looked after. Then, they have to move to the next machine as soon as their mission according to their casual assessment has ended up.

Needless to say that the culture in which many reliable lovers found themselves in is a mess.

Love in my college is a game of move and manoeuvre. Love is no longer means peace or romance. No security but fear. No perfection or satisfaction but a blind walk in the dark feeling of emptiness!