Prisoner of Love

A real story that I have wrote about three of my friends in 2002.

By

Khalid Ibrahim

2002


1. John

“What is life? Madness.

What is life? Illusion, Shadow, a story,

And the greatest good is little enough,

For all life is a dream!”

Calderon de la Barca – Life is a Dream

“…All the troubles of the world were caused by the fact that most people are unable to sit quietly alone in a room for a few hours.”

Blaise Pascal

**********

John is honest and quiet. He has a great tendency to journalism and the talent to support it. He follows his own values and principles and has a very decent sense of humour. He is friendly and harmless, shy and simple, intelligent and reliable, Soft and trustworthy.

If he loves, he is loyal and if he talks he is sincere.

His smile is warm in general, but warmer if he happens to be with a lady both pretty and smart…like Kate or Kath.

He has a natural willingness to serve and help any attractive girl. He will be more than happy to devote his expensive time and true efforts to her.

His first love story was with a girl with whom he spent three years in a pure friendship, and with whom he developed a stormy love affair but only at the end of their third pure year. This should indicate his slow motion to react to his feeling and to the appeal of his heart.

This first love affair ate John’s first year in College. The affair reached its failure by the end of that year and the two lovers decided to split. John did not regret this failure, as he was not the cause of the collapse. He suffered a hard time though.

John entered his second year in College full of hope to find the girl of his dream. She should be beautiful to a certain level. At the very worst her face should be compatible to the medium standard.

She does not have to share entirely the same interests as his own, but she should understand his needs. John was ready to victimise his wish to get a beautiful face if he could at least meet a girl with good characteristics, and who could thus become the real queen of his dreams.

He endured the symptoms of a psychological crisis that resulted from the collapse of his first love story. It was a tough time. He felt most of the time down and lonely, It was very hard for him to sleep alone every night with cold and loneliness surrounding his breath.

He was convinced that no love means no life and no true happiness whatsoever. But he also realised that he should neither lose heart or courage to find a love that never fails or vanishes. Indeed, he had too much love and had desperately needed somebody to be with him. He made up his mind that he should find a girl immediately and not later, that is he decided to find a girl rather than wasting his time messing around as a single.

He believed that there was nothing more exciting in his life, neither ONE WORLD nor COLLEGE NEWS, except to be built into the heart of a lovely girl. Therefore, he very much thought that there could be nothing better than to walk with a COLLEGE girl under the rain, hand in hand, in Front Square, while sharing all his many thoughts and treating her to many riches despite his half empty pocket.

He remembered that he never had a real love affair or a real heated kiss in his entire live, so he did not want to be a foolish admirer but a real lover.

He started to look around. His ideal girl was not to be considered by her face only but by her brain, words and deeds.

2. Kate

“My GOD a moment of bliss. Why, isn’t that enough for a whole lifetime?”

“Earth and Ocean seem

to sleep in one anothers arms, and dream

of waves, flowers, clouds, woods, rocks and all that we

read in their smiles, and call reality.”

P.B. Shelly

**********

Kate is a very attractive girl. Her smile is very powerful. No surprise that John fell in love with her. Any sensible being would be attracted to her lovely face, beautiful smile or her sparkle. She is friendly and fun loving, slim and tall, genuine and romantic. Bubbly.

Her face is a fantastic mixture of beauty and fun.

Her Interests include journalism and men.

Kate’s search criteria of her suitable man, is a lengthy one:

He should be a sweet and funny genius. He should be a man who could bring diverse interests and opinions to combine the depths of her own interests. No harm if he is jobless or homeless. She needs a man who knows what he wants, and somebody who could let her feel secure. He must be fun loving but serious at some level. If he can make her laugh from the depth of her heart then he can do any thing with her.

Before COLLEGE she got many unreliable love affairs and described them as “messy stories”. She thinks they do not deserve attention or mention.

Following the first weeks in College she realised that she would be staying for long, and so decided that a strong long-term love story was very much needed. Love was her definition of stability.

Nothing like love.

Nothing like a “shy kiss” at the Front Arch from a reliable COLLEGE boy.

She started actively to explore the men whom she was attracted to. She enjoyed the challenge of learning the skills of getting their full attention to her. She should be the focal point of their adventure. She was looking for her dream. The outcome was a disaster, four men and four failed love affairs.

Men in her life are a routine. They come and they go. What hurts Kate most was that they treated her like a machine.

At that stage she started to become cynical. She got cynical views of the men around her.Her four failed love story left nothing but a broken heart and a wounded soul.
She became a highly-skilled footballer. Her slogan reads “Test him then kick him”

They come!

They go!

She has to live with the horrible memories of her four machinery affairs. They left some simple marks inside her but she became used to the notion that as they come, they should go.

The fourth love affair took place during the last summer and did not last more than four months. It happened in America away from home and friends. The affair was like a competition. Her partner was trying to prove that he was the cleverest and the strongest in the relationship. Kate tried to prove the opposite. Her heart was the victim of a battle that she lost with a man who used her charms to fill his time.

By the start of this year, Kate thought she needs her own space so she decided to move away from men. She tried to reflect on her last failure to secure a man. Slowly, she began to come to term with study, life and men.

3. Kath

“I sweat. If anything comes easy to me, I mistrust it.”

Lilli Pulmer

“What if you slept?

and what if, in your sleep, you dreamed?

and what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there

plucked a strange and beautiful flower?

and what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your

hand?

ah, what then?”

S. T. Colderidge

**********

Kath is sweet and cute. Wise and reliable.

She is a powerful beautiful blondie. She is very attractive with an innocent childish face. She is gorgeous. She is very much serious most of the time, mostly when she wears her glasses.

Her face consists of an astonishing mixture of beauty, innocence, shyness and seriousness. No place for games or playing with words. She has the ability to capture the attention of any decent man and John who has a green soft heart was not an exception.

She is intelligent and she knows that. She has a creative thinking ability and as a result, her memory cells are fully packed with ideas and thoughts. She demands equal rights with men. No doubt she would never let a man get any power to control her.

She has the leadership skills that led her to a spectacular success when One World, the society she chaired, won the best over all society in College. However, taking into account her shyness and seriousness, there are many questions, left to be settled.

Has she got the skills to manage a successful prospect of any promising love affair?

Could she read through the face of any new love seeker to find out for herself the signs of honesty, efficiency and reliability?

Could she not wrongly slap the face of a real man who might bring with him a prosperous new exciting era to her life and heart?

She is very shy but nevertheless very much happy to be looked at. She is not ready to any unconditional surrender indeed. A man could try to get her heart, but he will also have to cook and clean and wash dishes. He should be warned that she is ready to fight if necessary to the last bullet for her own principles.

She is a fish that needs the sea, to hold her by an empty hand is not only a visible mistake, but also a big risk. When it is all about her heart then a man should have his characters in order if he wants to have her lovely and lively company.

A man of her dream must have:

1. Strong characters.

2. Good sense of humour.

3. Passionate about what he believes.

4. Some of her beliefs should be echoed by him.

5. Handsome but not necessary if he proved to be honest.

Kath did not have had any real relationship with a man before coming to College. She entered College as white as the snow in Russia.

Her main hope was to make lots of friends and maybe to search through them for that someone special.

She was a bit dreamy, looking forward for a man of her choice to come riding a white horse to rescue her from her very lonely nights and thoughts.

Kath was optimistic and ready to turn the clouds to rain in order to spread the green. On many occasions she could not contain her excitement of getting an offer that deserved to be looked at carefully.

In theory it doesn’t bother her telling the right man “I fancy you” but in order to do so she needs lots of efforts to tackle her shyness and her intention not to lose any of her power.

Her heart is stony for those who she does not like but soft enough for those men who she thinks they deserve a go. She is not an easy target by any means though.

“How to amaze Kath at first glance?” is really an interesting question. You should have a good smile in your eyes and a friendly manner. If something develops, then thank God, it’s good. Otherwise, that is life, you have to send somebody away all the time.

During her years in College, she found two boys. She loved at least one of them. One could argue that no real love, compassion and progress achieved by Kath during her time with the two boys. It might be the case that the selection was poor but the reality is that the cultural pressure in College is very awful.

She saw some friends getting four handsome boys in less than a year! Then she wondered what was wrong with her?

It was a bit of filling time but certainly there was some real feeling from her side at least.

She started the fourth year single. Her love life was calming downs and she was looking forward to meeting Mr Right, black or white. A man who might give her the taste of how she wants her man to be.

4. Kate and John

There were many things that could worked well for both John and Kate. On one hand their likeness to the art of journalism, on the other hand the fact that they are both single and suffered from a recent failure in an immature love affair.

John thrilled by the power of her smile. Nonetheless her figure, her talent, and the friendly way she used to receive him, all in all created a solid likeness in his heart to Kate.

He was not able to wait to see her again. It was more than fun to see her face everyday. She was his Mona Lisa.

On many occasions carl hinted to him not to surrender to any girl, to be solid like any commander in a war, but John was so honest with her. He preferred not to follow this line.

He overjoyed by some of her actions that he interpreted as an interest in him.

He told himself “Oh my God, she fancies me! Its so wonderful, isn’t it?”

It was the happiest time in his whole life. He was proud of any moment with her but for Kate that moment was mixed with her history with men and shadowed with the recent failure in her last affair during the summer.

It was a sunny day when John told me:

“I will have a lunch with Kate this afternoon.”

I saw the sign of happiness and relief on his face. In his view he was heading to a glory.

The next day I saw him but he looked so sad and upset.

“ What happened John?” I asked him.

“ Kate told me you got me wrong.” he sounds so down.

I knew straight away the size of his pain. He was really disappointed. I felt so sad for him. It was a fast move from victory to crushing defeat. What happened was quite contrary to his wish or expectations, not less than a real torture.

It would be one thing Kate was absolutely wrong. It was totally wrong for Kate to slap him in this unwise manner in which it was done.

A cynic, however, might suggest that she had got the experience to read the runes of any new comer but it was with regard to John, heading toward failure and misjudgement. Crucially, John was keen although to declare himself as a lover, surely, it could be argued that given his personal interest in Kate he would have wait a bit longer to give her time to come in term with the brainless crap in her recent love history. However taking into account the quality of his characters, and his honesty, this argument is not valid by all means.

A Greek philosopher advised his students saying:

“If somebody asked for your name, do not give it immediately, but think for at least half hour.”

You can not understand why she rushed him out of her life so quick without any justification or a good thinking whatsoever.

Then, too many questions left with out any answer!

Was it not possible for Kate to be soft and nice and not give John hell? Usually we lose nothing to be nice with people.

Why did she block an attempt by a decent man to give her a real taste of love that she never have had in the rest of her life?

Did she grow up enough to make a decision of life or death?

Why did she kill the start of a revolution in just a second? A revolution she consciously shaped and judged with madness and stupidity.

Why did she not emphasis on the positives aspects of John? They are too many and not easy to count anyway.

The fact of the matter, he was not making nonsense but a very good cause. It was a disgusting moment when she told him “No John good bye!”

Was it some thing to do with her nature, to say no when she is saying yes? Did John fail to study her face? There is little doubt that John did not get any space to think into this direction. Her quick refusal made him afraid of any advance. He did not want to hurt her anymore. That is what he thought anyway.

If this event, his sacking as lover had not occurred, Kate would have a lot better time by considerable level. John was committed to bring her to a new era full of true loveness.

To slap an honest man, and to welcome a cheater! What type of girls would do that? The answer is many types. However, Kate is from the bubbly type. They are doing it for fun and maybe power but in her case she is clever enough to find out soon or later that this is not her way forward.

Needless to say, there are nervous times in our life when we make some stupid decisions that we pay their cost for the rest of our life.

5. Kath and John

John was wounded severely by Kate. Therefore, I got the idea that Kath is the best girl for him. They both work for One Word she as a chair and John as her secretary. Then I realised a promise that I gave Kath when she told me early in this year:

“Khalid do not set up me with any of your friends.”

“Kath be sure I won’t do that again.” I promised her.

It is going back to the early 1999 when my friend Ahmed the treasurer of One World at the time told me about his likeness for Kath.

“She invited me to her house in Baggot Street, she cooked for me and we had a very good chat.”

Ahmed on his side was very positive, he told me:

“I love Kathy too much, I love to be with her”

Then I thought he would have an easy task with Kath but for my surprise she refused this generous offer may be for good reasons.

It was the annual international food festival where Ahmed decided to declare himself to Kath as the ultimate lover. I told Kath “Ahmed is going to talk to you directly tonight.” She was very embarrassed. Her face was red. I realised that she is very shy since.

Then I found out that some other members of the committee such as Lara and Elaine were pushing her not to accept this offer. I though it was not fair for them to do so. Finally, Ahmed seeing this negativity from Kath moved himself away and started a new life which his successes to manage it is visible.

It was difficult for me to move out of my promise but I told myself “well, I am not setting her up with anybody, its all about explaining the facts to John”

I decided to rush out to John telling him:

“Kath is a jewel, you should take care of her.”

At the very beginning John was so glad to get this advice from me. Then I asked him to get rid of his slowness and be a bit serious about the whole issue of Kath. I thought its better and of value for all of us to see Kath with John who we all trust rather than seeing her moving away with somebody coming from nowhere.

I noticed always his delighted face whenever he was with Kath. I herd from him how she cooked for him a vegetarian dinner which the taste of it last in his mouth for long time. I thought they were moving into the right direction but I was fully aware of their slowness, which was almost certainly going to destroy my good wish for them both.

Then, the worst was to come. John felt strongly that Kath is interested in One World only not his feeling toward her. Nevertheless, he was so glad to execute his duty within One World. He really loved One World and loved to do whatever makes her happy.

However, it was so typical everyday, no excitement whatsoever.

“John see you at one in CSC, we have to sign a cheque.”

“Hi John, lets meet we have to design a poster.”

“John lets organise the talk.”

“Oh no John, the flags do not forget them.”

“John, did you send the e-mail around?”

The worst thing about One World was whatever he done, Kath was there to create more for him, almost something out from nothing without thinking seriously about his good characters or his loneliness and ability to be more than a One Worlder.

One day we were sitting at the steps of the dinning hall. He was a bit nervous with me for the first time in our history. He was trying to say:

“Sorry to disappoint you Khalid but Kath’s only enjoyment is to One Worlding me.”

For John, loving Kath was not an option. One World was very much dominated from her side. It was obvious to him that Kath never saw what he could do for her as a lover. She only saw what he did not do for One World.

Kath was a mystery. He did not know whether her heart was occupied by somebody or nobody. He saw her with some boys but he was not sure if she was taking everyone out on dates.

On the other side Carl was pressurising him with many duties related to COLLEGE News. While Jean was also a deputy editor, he was the one who paid the cost from his time, life, and study to have the newspapers ready in time for College. He always respected Carl, and admitted that Jean has the skills, but his question was why he has to pay the heavy prise always?

Kath thinks that “John is lovely” but “ he did not ask me out!”

Its very much true that John is slow enough to ask a girl for a date. The interesting question is, if he is lovely, why did Kath not try to explore him and take him out of the world of One World even if it is just for a day or so?!

Some time you never know what is going on in life, but his slowness plus her shyness and seriousness were strong enough to combat even a big revolution.

6. John and the future

I believe, there is little to be done to bring Kath and John together, but it might be fruitful for John and Kate to revisit their history if they want a real change.

Its not too late at all, all what Kate needs is an immediate action to redesign her thinking to focus on an ultimate objective, which is to study John and give him the opportunity to prove himself.

Kate should capitalize from her history and capsulate the wish and likeness of John to be with her. It is hard to fight against the will of his heart, she is there at the centre of it.

The truth is cruel but it can be useful, and it makes anybody regain a new thinking. For good or bad, for better or worst, Kate still has time on her hands. The reality is, with John her world would be a safer place.

During the past time little was achieved between Kate and John. However, the next chance will be left totally open for their goodwill to pick up the bits and pieces in order to replace the failure by a series of successes.

There is no man so good to her but John. She does not know his good quality until she gets his heart from him. A heart, which he is ready to give now but may be not later.

The light of his love will lit her lonely nights.

Kate, clap your hands for John. He is your cure to reach the fulfillment in your daily life.Prisoner of Love