The man who becam a dog!

Introduction

It was back in my beloved capital Baghdad in the 80's when I got a chance to see a play entitled "The man who became a dog" which was produced by the Iraqi artist Qasim Mohammed. The venue was the institute of fine arts in Baghdad. I got the idea of the play and wrote my own version in 1998.


The man who became a dog

By

Khalid Ibrahim

Cast breakdown:

A family of a wife and her husband in their mid thirties, two boys 12, and 13 years of age and a director of a company (an old man in his late fifties).

Scene one

The play starts with a mixture sound of dogs and sheep.

The husband (entering the stage hand in hand with his wife

Singing):

Colombia, Colombia, Colombia

We are going to Colombia!

Then the two sons enter the stage.

The first son: Dad what is the story?

The second son: Tell us Dad!

The husband: History is to be made!

We are all going to Colombia for a holiday!

The first son: Colombia?

The second son: Hey, I was not consulted! This is unjust.

The first son: Is there any democracy in this house?

Our voice should be herd!

We are two and you are two.

The husband: Historically, in our family, kids cannot have any say on foreign affairs until they become 18.

The second son: Oh Dad no! What you done is so bad. This is a real dictatorship! You are no more than another Saddam!

The husband: No, not at all. I am not Saddam. I hold the same principles as the great French revolution. Equality! Justice! and Liberty! Only, your Mum and me are acting on your behalf until you get enough skills and experience.

The wife: Sons, you have no option but to come with us. We cannot leave you here on your own. You won’t survive.

The first son: You cannot force us to go. They call that child labor.

The first son -facing his brother-: do you think we can take them to the court and make some money out of this crisis?

The wife: Sons, we love you and we are sure you will enjoy it.

The husband: Colombia is green and beautiful, we will see it and study the history of this country. Sing with us sons

Colombia Colombia Colombia we are going to Colombia

Colombia Colombia Colombia we are going to Colombia
Colombia Colombia Coo Loo MMMMM Biaaaaaaaaaaaa

Colombia Colombia Colombia we are going to Colombia

Colombia Colombia Colombia we are going to Colombia

Colombia Colombia Coo Loo MMMMM Biaaaaaaaaaaaa

The two sons -sing but sound unhappy-:

Colombia Colombia Colombia we are going to Colombia

Colombia Colombia Colombia we are going to Colombia

Colombia Colombia Coo Loo MMMMM Biaaaaaaaaaaaa

Colombia Colombia Colombia we are going to Colombia

Colombia Colombia Colombia we are going to Colombia

Colombia Colombia Coo Loo MMMMM Biaaaaaaaaaaaa

Scene two

The wife reading a book with her two kids who are talking with each other. The husband comes back with a very sad face.

The wife: What going on? What happened?

The husband: Too bad to tell

The wife: Are you very sick?

The husband: No, more than sickness

The wife: Did you kill the principal of your school?

The husband: No

The wife: Did he try to kill you?

The husband: No

The wife: Did you try to kill yourself?

The husband: No

The wife: Did you kill one of your students?

The husband: No

The wife: Did you join a gang of killers?

The husband: No

The wife: Tell me then

The sons: Tell us Dad

The Husband: I lost my job as a teacher of history at the school

The first son: Good news, people should be able to read history without a teacher.

The second son: You killed us with your history and its time to send your job to history.

The wife -asking the two sons-: Enough, it’s so serious, what will we do for money?

The husband: I tried some other schools, but its a general crises. So difficult to find a job.

The first son: Why you don’t work as a politician? It’s a very profitable job these days.

The second son: Dad, name the party, the historical party. No doubt your aim will be to ask the whole nation to explore and be busy with the history of the past, not to build a future. You don’t need money to do that, only words, not deeds. A very easy task and at the end of day, you are the one who will get a very heavy pocket.

The husband: Historically, our family have had no involvement in politics. Myself, I cannot ask the people to do something and do the opposite in my private life, the way, most politicians do.

The wife: I worked for years before marriage as an accountant and I’m sure, I will find a job. Are you ready to be the housekeeper?

The husband –thinking for a moment-: Well, I have no choice. Go and find a job.

The wife -taking his hand and saying-: Thanks I love you man. In my entire history, you are the only man that I loved.

The husband: For me, historically, this is the worst moment in my life.

The first son -taking his brother out-: History, history, history. History is bunk. Do we really need this? Let us go.

Scene three

The husband mopping the floor and the two kids are watching him.

The first son: Dad, you should learn how to clean.

The second son – looking on the floor-: Missed a spot. Dad I’m sorry, someday you will be the best cleaner on this planet.

The second son -drops some papers on the floor-: Dad, you are paid to do a good job. Clean the floor. Do your job Dad. Don’t mess around. History will record for the coming generations.

The husband looks at him very nervous.

The first son: Dad could I ask you a question?

The husband –very nervously-: whattttttt?

The first son: On the basis that you are doing the duties of mum, what we should call you from now on? Mum? Mammy?

The husband -throwing the mop on the floor and saying very nervously-: Shut up I kill you, I cannot give birth so I am Dad and the only Dad in this house.

The first son: But Mum, is not giving birth anymore. She brings home the bacon. She wears the pants. There is only one boss. She is the boss, who is getting you and us money, so she is Dad.

The husband -very angry and following them with the mop-: You must know that there is only one Dad in this house and its me. I’m the Dad.

The two sons: Who is in the house? Mummmmmmmmmy

Who is in the house? Mummmmmmmmmy

Who is in the house? Mummmmmmmmmy

The husband: Daddddddddy

Daddddddddy

Daddddddddy

The two sons -running away-: Bye mummy mummy mummy

The husband - following them with the mop and repeatedly saying-: Daddddddddy

Daddddddddy

Daddddddddy

The husband -alone speaking to himself-: To be a Dad or a Mum that is the question? I am losing power to my wife. You are not Dad but Mad. There are two husbands in this house. I need a revolution!

The husband –climbs the table holding up the mop-: What do we need? A revolution. When do we need it? Now

What do we need? A revolution. When do we need it? Now

What do we need? A revolution. When do we need it? Now

One House, one leader, meeeeeeeeeeee.

One House, one leader, meeeeeeeeeeee.

One House, one leader, meeeeeeeeeeee.

Who is in the house? Daddddddddy

Who is in the house? Daddddddddy

Who is in the house? Daddddddddy

One crowded hour of glorious life is worth an age with the “Mummy” name.

The wife -coming with some bags-: Hi, did you do the cooking?

Did you clean the house? Where are the kids?

The husband –flings away the mop and taking his wife by surprise-: Enough, you stay home, I will go out to find a job. We should have one husband not two.

The wife: You know I love you, ok no problem. Go and find yourself a job.

The two sons-coming back-: But not history!

Scene Four

The wife and her two kids are waiting the husband. A newspaper is thrown on the floor.

The wife -on his arrival-: Did you find a job?

The husband –looks like beings attacked-: No, people by thousand are losing their jobs. I don’t know. It’s madness at there, –looking down-, they took my shoe.

The first son -taking the newspaper from the floor-: There is a job in this newspaper

The husband: Which newspapers?

The first son: The evening dogs. Listen:

A director of a sheep company needs a man to be his dog. He should be married, friendly but tough with skills. Call to 24 Dogs Road, Sheep city after 6pm. Duties include minding the sheep and the office and giving an attractive smile. The job is a well paid.

The husband: Son give me the newspaper. I should go now.

The wife -back to her book-: Good luck dear.

The husband –speaking to himself while moving out-: To be a dog out is better than being a Mummy in.

The second son -asking his brother-: Do you think dad will be a good dog?

The first son: Your Dad was a dog from the first day.

The second son: And why he needs a married man?

The first son: A stable dog is stronger than a lonely one.

The second son: So you think, Dad is more likely will get the job?

The first son: Every dog has his day.

Scene Five

The song “Hound Dog”.

The director of the sheep company on his chair.

The husband is entering his room.

The husband -very politely-: Sir, do you need a man to be your dog?

The director: Yes I do.

The man: I am ready to be your dog and do whatever the job might need.

The director: Ok, let us first fill the application form. Are you a dog? Are you a good dog?

The husband –looking left and right-: Hummmmm, yes I’m a dog. A very good dog.

The director: Do you have a good link with the dog community?

The husband: Of course, I know all the dogs in my area by name. They know me very well.

The director: What did you do for them to solve the housing and health crisis?

The husband: I called on the government to make sure that dogs will enjoy a decent life and a prosperous future in this country.

The director: What is the best proverb that you know as a dog?

The husband: Love me, love my dog.

The Director: Do know how to smile like a dog?

The Husband –opening his mouth widely- Heeeeeeeeeeeeee, Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The director: Are you married to a dog?

The husband: Yes, I was in love with my dogfriend for years then we get married and have two kids.

The director: Cool, ok are you ready for the practical test?

The husband: Yes I do.

The director: Now I am a sheep who is coming in and I want you to keep me out like any respected dog.

The husband: Yes sir.

The director -coming back to the stage on four-: Maaa Maaa Maaa Maa

The husband -from his position saying very weakly-: Haw Haw Haw Haw

The director -moving around him-: Maaaaaaaaa Maaaaaaaaa Maaaaaaaaaa

The Husband -very shy and slowly putting himself on four, he seems begging the sheep out-: Haw Haw Haw

The director for a while is trying to push the husband to act against him. The husband doesn’t know what to do. He is like a blind in love with the job.

The director -standing up very nervously-: Out Out Out you can’t be my dog. You are worst than a mouse.

The husband: Please please give me another chance, please, please sir give me a last chance.

The director: Ok ok ok I give you one more chance to be a good dog.

The husband: Thanks Thank you sir.

The director -repeats the test and the husband attacks him like any vigorous dog-:Hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

The director -begging him to stop his attack in a very soft way-: Ma Ma Ma please Ma Ma Ma

The husband -taking his neck between his teeth-: Hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

The director -in fear-: Maaa, stop I give you the job. Maaaaaaa

Herd my sheep. Herd my sheep. Herd my sheep.

The husband -very happily leaving him and walking on four victoriously attacking the audience-: Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw.

Scene six

The director is playing with his dog. Throwing his keys many times and his dog bringing them back very quickly. Now he is on his way to move out putting some thing in the mouth of his dog.

The director: Be careful, take care of the office. Don’t let sheep or anybody inside my room

The husband -following him saying very strongly-: Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw Haw.

The director is out and the husband is hearing sound of sheep and answering by a very strong Haw Haw to all the directions.

Scene seven

The wife and her two kids are waiting his arrival.

The wife: Oh my God, he is too late by now.

The first son: I think he met an attractive dog on his way home.

The two sons are laughing and the wife asks them nervously to shut up.

The husband is coming now on four showing sense of tiredness.

The two sons -going to his direction saying many times-: Dad Dad Dad give us money Haw Haw

The husband is hawhawing on them as to say he is not willing to give them money.

The wife is now behind her husband trying to help him but now he is trying to bite the first son.

The first son: Barking dogs seldom bite

The second son -running away from his dad-: History was more better, at least without bitting.

The husband is leaving his first son and trying to bite his second son.

Now the wife is coming between them asking her kids to leave and giving her husband his dinner.

The husband is eating. Still on four though.

He is Hawhawing to attract his wife and get her beside him. Now he is trying to thank her in the way a dog does.

The wife: Oh my God, he is a dog now!

He is saying Haw Haw signaling yes.

Scene eight

The last scene, which reflects a crises in the house. They are fighting each other like dogs do.

All on their four except the wife. The battle started between the two sons, the husband is taking one side while the wife is trying her best to solve the dispute.

The wife –looks a bit hopeless-: Barking dogs tell no tales

The wife –speaking loudly-: We should hope for good. There are still alive and a living dog is better than a dead lion.

After a while an over voice of a female is to be herd by the audience:

When there is a collapse in the political system, corruption and plenty of fat cats. The people will lose their morals. Lose their humanity and become like animals.

So, don’t take your life, love and even your study for granted. You might be a dog one day. Just remember the setting is anywhere at any time. Be careful and act.